Do you believe in ghosts?
I don’t. At least not in the traditional sense.
But I do believe that our past experiences can come back to haunt us sometimes.
I had what I consider to be a great childhood. I thought my mom rocked it as a stay-at-home mom and I was tight with my Dad and sisters. Childhood, and even adolescence, was easy for the most part and fun.
Once I became a mom of two boys, I felt like I was living in a completely separate reality from what I had experienced and witnessed as a child. Nothing that I observed and remembered from my mom and dad’s parenting style seemed to apply to my tenure as a mom.
I wanted to channel my parents, since they seemed to have done it right. My sisters and I were all emotionally healthy and successful adults. I figured if I could just apply their style to my life my boys would be set.
But my mom never had to apply her style to boys, let alone my boys. Nor did she have to do it in this day and age which has its own unique set of challenges.
It all felt so very different, but I still felt the need to compare my style with hers – which seemed so much more effective.
I felt, at many times, as a failure because my kids were having challenges – or being challenges – when my sisters and I as kids were not.
The “ghosts” of my mom’s parenting style in particular were haunting me.
They were creating self-doubt and driving anxiety into my daily parenting decisions.
I had to recognize and realize that I am me and I am my own version of mom.
I needed to banish the ghosts.
I’ve learned the methods to help me stay present.
I’ve learned how to address my needs, desires and goals separate from my parenting goals.
Doing so has allowed me to be the person I want to be.
And that allows me to be the parent I want to be.
So banish the ghosts
Let’s return you to yourself.